I am certainly not the first woman to purport that the Vagina is an organ that speaks– see Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues. However, unlike Ensler, I believe that apart from listening to what it has to say, women should talk right back to it.
Many sexologists have claimed that women have been historically trained to be ashamed of their vaginas, and by extension, their sexuality. The simplest example of this is our reluctance to even refer to it by it’s real name (fun fact, there are about 932 nicknames in existence for the vagina).
Unsurprisingly, I find that women in my part of the world are not as open to discussing sexuality as they should be either. In fact, many women treat discussions about sex and sexuality almost as if they are taboo. I can’t begin to tell you how many women I have heard exclaim “OMG! I thought I was the only one who did that!” when I would freely express my thoughts on subjects such as pornography and masturbation. What do you mean you were the only one? Congratulations! You’re human!
I think our inability to talk about these things is partially to do with the restrictions placed on women in social settings which make us feel as though the more we talk about it, the more negativity we call upon ourselves (I touched on this in my Free Spirit or a Hoe? article).
Sexologists such as the late Mary Calderone, M.D, have fought hard to liberate sexuality on a whole in different parts of the world. When it comes to women, the matter of her acknowledging her vagina and it’s needs is one of priority. I agree. In order for a woman to be fully satisfied and sexually liberated; in order for her to be in tune with herself and her partner; in order for any woman to be fully confident about her body, she must first know what her vagina needs and shamelessly embrace these needs. So by all means, “listen to your vagina” – which happens to be a mantra of mine- and if necessary, talk back!
Frequent conversations will lead to us being more comfortable talking about it with others- more particularly our men (many of whom- regardless of experience or style- remain clueless as to how to please their women). Communication is lacking all around, and it has to start with us talking to ourselves.
I think that maybe women are also afraid of succumbing to the animalistic demands of the vagina. I talk to mine, ladies, trust me, she is one demanding woman!
Ironically, it is perhaps women’s reluctance to really listen to it that sets us apart from men who, on the contrary, think with their second head first and foremost. But if we are to embrace our sexuality and take care of what our vaginas need, we have to listen, but listen with reason.
Here is how the conversation works: you listen, then reason, then decide. The result? A happier vagina, and a happier, more confident you.
My favourite poet Kahlil Gibran, in his poem On Reason and Passion ,said:
“For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing;
And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.”
Guess which is which? Yes, a woman’s passion is her vagina, her reason is her conscience. (See what I did there? I made it poetic )
All that hubbub means that sometimes we as women restrict ourselves in fear of being wrongfully labeled. It often leads to many of our sexual needs being quieted. If I don’t know what I want; moreover if I don’t even talk about what I want, how will others know?
We have to talk to it, talk about it and never fear it.
Hopefully I have said it enough in this article alone to make you a bit more comfortable with it.
Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!
There, just a few more.
Now… Can we stop ignoring it and start talking to it ladies?